Thursday, March 26, 2009

They're on to us!!!

Red Alert! Red Alert! Red Alert!!

Our spies at the New York Times are reporting that the jock-strap crowd is finally catching on to our secret weapon!

It's almost nice to see that someone is finally noticing something writers, academics & philosophers (you know... nerds) have known for centuries. Think the introduction of coffee corresponding with the advent of the enlightenment was a coincidence?

Oh, I forgot. The (thoroughly caffeinated) nerds are the ones assigned to keep track of that kind of thing. We can make you stronger, faster, better than ever before! We have the tools, we have the technology... we have the espresso machines. Steve Austin wasn't really bionic. We just patched him up, handed him a Starbucks Card and sent him on his way, pocketing a cool ten million (minus the cost of bandaids and Steve''s Latte addiction).

Who knows where this epiphany might lead? The International Olympic Committee needs to hurry up and ban this "newly-discovered" performance-enhancing drug before all of our star athletes are sitting around in cafes, drinking lattes, talking and generally trying to make actual, measurable contributions to society.

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Pages to Type is a blog about books, writing and literary culture (with the occasional digression into coffee and the care and feeding of giant robots).